When all don't seem to matter anymore...

I don't know where to start and how to start this.. but I'm going to say it anyway. This is probably the first time I'm coming clean with my thoughts on the projects I'm handling.

The recent spate of events set me thinking about the objectives and directions of my projects, namely GAW and YEP.

Let me begin with GAW. Wish collection has clearly fulfilled its objectives of allowing us know our beneficiaries better through the interaction sessions but it has also showed me the other side of GAW, that GAW, simply isn't just about granting the wishes of the kids and putting a smile on their faces at the end of the day. (Well, though it does spread the spirit of giving among the donors). After speaking to the house parent of one of the beneficiaries, I realised that there's more to GAW than just "grant a wish" simply. Seriously speaking, these children don't lack presents, donations POUR in pretty often and most kids whom we're helping (perhaps except the intellectually disabled ones) have participated in a similar project and to be very frank, some are very pampered. Quoting from the house parent, "We need to tell the kids why they should get the presents, that they need fulfill certain duties before they can receive the presents." She also did speak about making a difference in their lives, and how changes come subtly but progressively. Hence, the problems that I'm facing now are.. pretty hard to describe.. my mind's filled with questions like, "How can we make sure that the children do not take GAW for granted?", "How can we add value to GAW?"other than just playing games with the children during wish collection, "Are we doing them more harm than good?" since they get what they wished for, "Do they actually appreciate our act of goodwill?", "How are we going to give these kids certain "duties" to complete when the time we are spending with them is too short for any long-term cause?".. Many many such questions left unanswered.. not that anyone has the answers anyway.

Yes.. and so the difficult part lies with the children.. in the way, to make them understand the value of GAW and that we're not some kind of rich fellow who wishes to throw our money away by buying presents for them, which some of them may treat as junk at the end of the day.. and with me too.. in convincing myself that there IS still some value and meaning in GAW.

So, why exactly are we doing GAW? Do the PDs of GAW have similar thoughts every year? If yes, so why are we still hanging on to GAW? Should there be new directions, new dimensions to GAW?

Hmmmm... Questions and questions.

Now, pertaining to YEP. Hmm.. All rightey, I see that we're at least helping the villagers to some extent, though at the end of the day, I feel that we will definitely learn more than we serve. There is just "so" much that we can do in that short period of time. But still, at least we will be relieving them of some inconveniences.. Anyway, similar to GAW, I think as long as we are "giving" stuff, there're bound to have people who are just unappreciative, take things for granted or simply expect more from us- even mentioned by the coordinator whom we spoke to. (no offence to any nationality or person, I'm saying this in general). Worse still, we may be inculcating a sense of dependence amongst the people as external help comes in rather frequently and easily. Here, we are giving them the fish, instead of teaching them to fish.. (just random, I still think that it all boils down to good governance and having a structured plan to reform the country.. with the right personnel that is).

So much angst about such projects that involve "giving".. sometimes, I wonder if there's any meaning in community service, at least in the local context.

Well, I guess at the end of the day, it isn't the number of people that we have reached out to but rather that lives of one/2 souls which have changed.. for the better.. as a result of what we did.