1, 2, 3...

A very very Merry Christmas one and all! I'm back from Cambodia, safe and happy, but a part of me is missing Cambodia- the place, the people, the company and the things we did. The trip has been awesome and I must say... this would be the best YEP trip ever! Don't ask me if I would go on another trip in the near future but this is the status quo at the moment.

Lest I forget my feelings and thoughts as I have not been writing my journal dutifully (actually this is the first time I didn't write a journal proper), I shall share some of my after-thoughts here. I have to attribute the bulk of the good trip to having a good OC. The road before YEP hasn't been all smooth-sailing and in fact, at some point in time, it was over-taxing, people juggling YEP stuff with other stuff and studies. Nevertheless, I'm really glad we made it and the trip has been worthwhile. Anyway, I was forced to grow up fast in the first few days in Cambodia. Being one of the very few people who have been to Cambodia before, running the itinerary was challenging initially and I had to cope with last minute changes to the itinerary (as I was not able to discuss this with the driver before arriving and just had to trust that the coordinator had conveyed the messages to him), every single moment required some decision making. It was really an exciting experience. Back in the village, I took some time to re-adjust the expectations. The initial phase was pretty challenging as members constantly seeked help (sometimes even for menial tasks haha, ok I don't blame them as most are staying in a village for the very first time) and at some time, I stepped on the fine line between telling them everything that needs to be done and letting them find out what needs to be done themselves. It got pretty frustrating but I was glad that the team adapted to the new environment pretty fast and well and by the 3rd day, I could see them settling in.

The days in the village were very good. The villagers were very hospitable, taking the initiative to interact with us. We could very well communicate beyond language, using exaggerated expressions and hand gestures to get our messages across and sometimes ending up in laughing fits. Li Xian and Wei Jian both got a new christian name, Rosy and Tom respectively, to help our Cambodian friends remember their names better. The OC interacted well, through mural painting and the interactions and activities with the villagers. And for me personally, I think I grew a lot during this one week- I regained faith, I learnt to cope with the language barrier, the importance of keeping everyone well-informed, learnt how people could be self-sufficient with the limited resources they have, to cherish the things we possess now- family, friends and some intangibles, to learn to be contented with the simple things in life- the intangibles and of course, I learnt to harvest rice, to pump water out of a well using a generator, cook a few more dishes etc etc. Note aside, staying at this village has been fascinating. It was my first time sleeping above pigs, ducks, chickens, lots of dog, my first time stroking cows, my first time visiting a brick factory, my first time attending a christmas event at the province church.

All in all, the trip has been good. Thank you all for all the wonderful things that have happened. One of my regrets though, would be me not being able to staying throughout the entire trip. Nevertheless, I hope the trip has been equally good, if not, better for the team.

soon!

with vigour, savoury, perfection, strength, compassion...



... no more excuses, pessimism, procrastination

Nothing is, everything is becoming.

overloaded

... with events happening around the world! it's pretty tough to retain some optimism when the world's currently fraught with catastrophic events that will bring about rather serious ramifications. Besides many facing financial loses, lives are at stake right now in some parts of Asia.

sigh. i can only hope for the better.

back at home here.. i'm in a semi-holiday, semi-depressed, semi-lost mood. Though i officially stepped into adulthood yesterday, i don't feel that it's much of a big thing. well, i definitely have more responsibilities now and some decisions that i may make in the future are gonna carry weight in the eyes of law. also, i believe.. time's gonna fly by faster than before....... i've thus embarked on an accelerated journey to.. ermm.. seniority.

all right all right, with the not so positive global outlook at the moment, i shan't make things worse by harping on stuff beyond my control and i shall.. in fact resume mugging for my last paper!

LAST CHANCE! and 4 days'll pass.. very soon!! :S





anyway, just a sidetrack from depressing issues, my 21st birthday was somewhat special.. no birthday parties, no elaborated meetups, had an exam in fact.. haha.. but i'm very touched by the efforts of JCUBE- the conspiracy.. collecting birthday well-wishes from my friends, secondary to uni, granting almost ALL my wishes and of course, spending a special evening with me. :) and not forgetting, having dinner with my family. anyway, i'm treasuring family dinners even more so now as i will be missing out on this for a year!

before i end, wanna say:
THANK U ALL for making my day! :)

out of sight, out of mind

i'm going to chuck my textbooks into the cupboard and i'm so not going to take them out until the time comes when i NEED to pack my stuff.

perhaps i'm not trying harder. 2 scenarios have proved this case:
1) For the 1st paper, i could have written equations, but i didn't.
2) For the 2nd one (which just ended), the exact same diagram was right smack in front of me but i chose to ignore it.

=(

why?? I hope God will be kinder to me tomorrow since i'll be officially stepping into adulthood.

wow

i'm pretty impressed with myself. i managed to abstain from blogging.. for 2 weeks! that's an achievement..

anyway, i'm feeling really sleepy now but.. i've tons of notes to read.. so it's either sleep or risk getting bad grades :S


why can't we be ourselves like we were, yesterday?

coffee again?

sigh.. i resolve to kick my caffeine addiction after exams!!!! no more slave to caffeine.. boohoo

ssshhhhh i've a secret..

sheesh man.. how should i put it? i'm gonna be one of the lowliest paid interns and i've to top up my own allowance.. up to S$450 a month! =( kind of shitty as i'm so not gonna burden my parents.. and so i'm not gonna tell them...

mans! maybe i should set up a "feed janicia" fund.. arrrggghh

every cloud has a silver lining

prior to this fateful day, i was full of angst and anxiety, majorly caused by the overwhelming project deadlines and impending tests! and to top it off, i lost an important cd which i spent.. many days looking for it..

then help came! omg.. thanks mich lots and lots for saving my day! or.. i'll be stuck in the dungeon forever! =)

so much for all the angst! humph!

whatever it is that may happen in the future, i must and always must look on the bright side of life!

bleh

Fuck! also good.. i hope this serves as a wake-up call!!

BOOO!

endorphins

I need endorphins!!

damm damm damm!!!!

Arggghh... I can't believe I'm wasting so much time and energy on a cd! That cd.. is very important.. it contains past years' answers and references.. I've searched high and low but to no avail.. =( =(

SIGH!!!

WHY must this happen to me??? =(

more than words

been out of sorts lately, plagued with unduly worries.

I trust in God that I've made the right decisions and that He'll bless me with strength and wisdom to carry out my duties faithfully.

Thank you Jesus! Amen!

passion = motivation

it's pretty amazing how i fall asleep easily reading my notes or textbook and I don't when I read an interesting book/article to keep myself awake.

i guess this has got much to do with interests which drive passion which drives a person.

and i should stop wasting time, searching for the person i should become.. bleh.

anyway, i'm quite convinced that all these bullshit are psychological.. what comes to the mind, out of the mouth and from the heart really really matters as thinking, saying and feeling certain things WILL eventually be embedded and become part of your lifestyle..

i need to battle these distractions. like right now.

nothing is impossible and impossible is I M Possible.

one step at a time

Pretty glad that most NOC stuffs've been settled and I'm left with visa application. I really hope that I'll be able to focus all my energy on STUDIES. yes scream studies with me!! And do decently well this sem.

Last 3 weeks, last hopes, last chance.

As for other issues, I'll take one step at a time and not let history repeat itself.



FOCUS and PERSEVERE!!!!

follow up.

Following up to the melodrama I watched yesterday, when one dies, he/she literally dies with nothing... even if he is freaking rich, he can't bring along his wealth, his company, his loved ones..

oh mans.. so much about life.

Oh Mans...

义无反顾 has the most tragical ending ever!

Wishing for some glimmer of hope in the last episode.. but well, I was pretty disappointed and saddened.

Oh wells.. luckily, it's just a soap opera.

I'm Alive!

Praise the Lord! It's good to be alive! =)

Anyway, quoting from Jenny's blog something which I felt made a lot of sense to me, from "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera.. "We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come."

"There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison...And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself???"

Which explains why some people can never measure the level of "meaningfulness" of his/her life.. and to me, life's a choice, though influenced by many factors not within our control. Well to me, a meaningful life would be that I've made the best decisions out of the circumstances which arise and have no regrets. Look forward, not back.

A piece of mind.

Whirly week gone in the blink of an eye! Never had I felt like my mind and body are out-of-sync before. I was merely going through the motion everyday, without reflecting much on the events which took place.

At last, TGIF! =)

Well, I've gone through half the phase that is filled with uncertainties, from GAW parties to NOC stuffs to planning for YEP. The other half, unfortunately or not, is also filled with many uncertainities, though with one less thing to fret about.

All I can conclude after this experience is that.. IT's NOT AT ALL EASY.. juggling CSC stuffs, NOC stuff and studies. BUT thank GOD, I found strength within and from my family and friends. =)

(to be continued)

Aftermath..ermm math?math?

All right, my mind's a whirlwind, my eye lids are very heavy and my brain's drained. Today's been highly intellectually-stimulating. It started off with a face-to-face, one-to-one interview in the morning, followed by lab, GAW meeting and a phone interview at night. On top of the hustle and bustle, I wrote 2 thank-you letters, reflected on many many issues.. (still reflecting actually and have yet to come to a conclusion).. and my thoughts're now.. meshed up.

Anyway, whatever the interview results are, how they went.. I shall leave all to fate! Afterall, it all depends on how much the interviewers aka bosses like me. Yup FATE!

During GAW meeting, the subject on the significance of GAW was mentioned. I must admit, though as the PD, I have struggled with bouts of faithlessness and contempt many a times. Once again, I had to re-affirm my objectives in order to proceed with further planning. Well, after all the ups and downs and lots of questioning, I think.. GAW should subsist. Reason being that there're always 2 sides to a coin. While we may think from the kids' point of view (though we were kids before, I feel we never really understood kids), there's also the other point of view. Hence, it's important to re-visit our objectives every now and then to see if we have addressed both sides of the coin. Yup, so what do I mean here?

GAW has 2 purposes. 1. To spread the spirit of giving. 2. To allow the kids to look forward to something which will make them happy. Considering the first point, I think GAW has fulfilled its objectives by spreading the spirit of giving amongst the NUS students as they are given the opportunity to fulfill the little wishes of the kids. I must say, I have been impressed by how some donors took pains to find the exact gift wished for. As for the second point, MOST of the kids are happy upon receiving their gifts, except for a handful unappreciative kids. And out of these MOST kids, some may not be able to get what they wished for by their own means and as such, GAW is an avenue to fulfill their hearts' desires.

By and large, I still feel that it's tough understanding kids. What they show, how they act.. may not be what they really feel. Hence, don't be discouraged if they remain nonchalant and appear unappreciative upon receiving their gifts, for many of them are actually really grateful for what they've gotten.

I guess, one fact that we all have to grapple with as well will be that different people (even people like you and me) have different expectations and have different levels of satisfaction and different desires. Thus, even though some kids might have wished for material goods, as long as the cost of the gift falls within the budget ($25), there is no need to restrict what the kids can wish for.

Well well, after reflecting on all that's being said, based on the 2 fundamental objectives of GAW, GAW should subsist!

What I need most now...

CONFIDENCE!!!

The belief that I'm capable...

Manssssssss... fill me up with faith and confidence!! :S

come on, snap your fingers!

I got something to tell you
I got something to say
I'm gonna put this dream in motion
Never let nothing stand in my way

When the going gets tough
The tough get going

I'm gonna get myself 'cross the river
That's the price I'm willing to pay
I'm gonna make you stand and deliver
And give me love in the old-fashioned way, ooh

Daaaaaaaaarlin',
I'll climb any mountain
Daaaaaaaaarlin',
I'll do anything

Yeah man, so when you think the going gets tough. Think, you've probably gone through tougher times.. so what's now? Just be prepared to pay a price, pay the price and then..

MOVE ON!!

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop people who don't want it badly enough."
- Randy Pausch

energy zapping

I ought to be happy, ought to be thankful. Midst of all the schoolwork and administrative matters to handle, there're other matters screaming for my attention, screaming so hard that it's just unbearable to ignore.

my mind's clouded. i can't seem to focus. my aching gum's making matters worse.

wat's wrong?

i can feel pressure building up inside my head, waiting to explode.

dreams

Dreams come true, they do.

Humans are really self-conflicting, at least I am and I pretty much dislike that fact about myself. I must hold on to that conviction which I had when I took the first step and ignore all other external factors. Yes. I'll be strong.

Here I come, chilly philly! =)

communications

communications is a very powerful tool. the success of a project/event/activity relies heavily on how well information's being passed on and communicated, besides good planning etc etc..

Joke of the Day

In a bid to prove that I know my territory very well, I ended up in embarrassment instead.

The train was approaching bishan mrt station, and there was a mother and daughter pair standing in the middle of the carrige. The mum asked the daughter to guess which side of the train would open at bishan and the daughter didn't know and merely shook her head. Well, me, wanting to show that I live in bishan, got up and went straight to the right side of the train as the train was on the left track. And then, as the train slowed down, I heard "bishan, please alight at the left side as the station is undergoing renovations."

*blushes*

Stop!

I wish I had the power to stop time so that I can take a breather. The past few days've been busy, busy and busy- having to juggle studies (tests, assignments, lab, tutorials), non-studies related stuff and tuition. I'm glad that the weekend's approaching, at least for sure there won't be any more weekly tests. Mid-sem break = one extra week to complete my lab report BUT next week's still going to be as hellish as ever, in fact, more hellish, with monday and tuesday taken up by a first aiders' course, wednesday by GAW boot camp, thursday and friday probably by project meetings and weekends gone to studying for 2 mid-term tests. *just wanna rant, I've only myself to blame for the busy schedule :S*

The coming week's gonna be pretty challenging but I kinda like it as they're pushing me to manage my time better, be more focused when doing my stuffs and I hope I won't buckle under the tremendous stress. Heehee. BUT still, I think I need some time for a breather, so that I'll be able to act rationally and not let fatigue take over my thoughts. Though I do sleep, minimally, I refuse to THINK before I sleep. I know some people do but thinking (at least for me) will cause me insonmia.

On a personal note, I'm pretty much unbothered by management stuffs anymore, after having thought through a bit over some issues. At the end of the day, it all boils down to individuals to see the underlying meaing of doing something and how much one feels for it. Since everyone's different, not everyone would feel for something the same way you do and since this can't be forced upon, so be it, no point harping on the matter, causing yourself to be depressed. =)

Well, I believe, as long as I've done my best, out of the present circumstances amongst other persisting matters, I'ld be contented, no regrets.

Yes and I choose to be happy!

Gone with the wind

As promised.

As usual, tuesdays are tutorials day! Yes, tutorials straight in a row from 9am to 3 plus.. without a break in between. Well, they didn't seem THAT draggy, probably 'cause of the venues, the company and the workload.. seems pretty manageable. After tutorials, I went down to YIH to meet lao lao aka li xian to get our yep letter endorsed! yes, finally there's some progress at the admin side.. spent about an hour settling this. After which, I waited for jenny pok outside lt7.. for our weekly routine- going for ballet lessons together!

It's really Jcube's treasured weekly meet ups. Going for ballet lessons together and then for dinner before heading home. Well, I was glad I went for lesson today.. it's the last lesson by the way and we did a lot more than before and I realised that ballet's really about discipline. It tempted me to sign up for the intermediate class, though I highly doubt I'll ever be professional.

There're so many other wonders in this world that one can explore.. once again, life leaves me with choices, restrained choices though..

I need some time and some blessing.

=(

I broke my guitar. My almost 6 years old guitar. =(

And it's beyond repair 'cause there's a crack in the fingerboard and the sound's no longer the same. =(

=(=(=(

=(=(

=(

First Time, First Day, Everyday!

This is so weird. I realised I've not really blogged about my daily happenings before and have decided to start doing so.*

I didn't go to school today (again) in the end as I had to dragged myself to wake up and decided that I wasn't feeling well. Hehe. Hence, I ended up watching webcast and had brunch with my family early afternoon. Read: Family = Everybody. Yes, my youngest brother decided not to go to school today too. S*** him! But it's quite rare that we have lunch together.. so no qualms. My mum even joked about us being too comfy for our own good- we're not going school and dad's taking his time to start work. Hurhur. =) Well, I really appreciate the fact that my family does spend quality time together and recently, I've been soaking in familial love. =)

Thanks dad for taking us specially to Toa Payoh yesterday and for brunch today so that I can buy wrapping paper and thanks mum for accompanying me to the shop to help me select the wrapping paper and forking out the money first. Thanks rong for your killiney kaya toast coupon and congrats on your good grades, keep it up pleaseeeee and not get carried away and thanks wei for telling mum my birthday wishes! =)

Ok, it's really weird recounting the events, it's just not my style, but I shall persist!

*Yes, I've decided to keep a record of what's happening in my life as I want to be able to reminisce about the past, smile or cry and feel that I've lived life and that I've lived.. happily! Yes, death's been a rather morbid topic.. but I still wanna say.. whatever it is.. I don't want to die with regrets!

帮

“是的！我要帮你， 也要帮我自己。”

说了这句话后， 她便转身走了。

what's forever?

tell me.. what's "true"?

Law of Attraction

It played on me today. And it played me out. One thing led to another and I'm feeling shitty all over. All 'cause of a stupid lab report!!

I've wasted 2 days on it and really really hoped to complete it by today afternoon but the most unfortunate thing happened. The files I saved.. were corrupted! As such, I couldn't complete my lab report and spent the rest of the afternoon trying to recover my works. So much for rushing through it the previous night.. hoping to study for my test today! CRAPS... bleh

But luckily, there were people in the clubroom to help me out and make me less uptight. Thank you people! =) but all's not lost as I finally saw Mich whom I've not seen for a very long time ahaha.. =)

All right and I missed the 2nd last ballet lesson and missed out meeting Jcube. :(

Oh craps.

What about now?

I would like to dedicate the following song to YOU:

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading
From all the things that we are
And are not saying
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn

Change the colors of the sky
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive 
The ways I loved you 
For all the things that never died
To make it through the night
Love will find you

What About Now
What about today
What if you're making me
All that I was meant to be
What if our love never went away 
What if it's lost behind
Words we could never find
Baby before its too late 
What About Now 

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day
This broken heart can still survive 
With the touch of your grace 
As shadows fade into the light
I am by your side where love will find you

What About Now
What about today
What if you're making me
All that I was meant to be
What if our love never went away
What if it's lost behind
Words we could never find
Baby before its too late
What About Now

Now that we're here
Now that we've come this far, just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right beside you
For all my life I am yours 

... YES YOU... for being with me all these years. 

Dream... dream, dream, dream...

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

By this statement, I think I'm not young anymore.. neither am I old. =) I'm preserved.. in a time warp. =)

Hence, I'll keep dreaming.. till the very last day of my life.

perfectionism

As I grow older, I stray further from perfectionism. But I ain't a perfectionist to begin with. I believe that allowing room for flaws helps one to see the "hidden" flaws and to improve oneself further. Though this is the case, somehow or rather, I found myself being unable to condone flaws in other people, especially those whom I have high expectations of and that their flaws (plus mine) will impede the execution of certain tasks assigned. And when this happens, my morale gets affected and my performance dips, making me feel helpless and directionless.

Anyway here IS the main point:

I shall thus, gladly embrace all imperfections in life! =) I shall also expect more of myself and less of others! =)

RaaR!!!

Toss me! Twirl me! Twist me!

and Feed me to the lions!

RAAR!

My little darling
Don't fear my little darling

Ooooooozzzzeee

I needa uncloud my clogged brain!!

...
..
.

...... terribly remorseful ......

Barrier.

I never knew this would be so tough.

STOP!

No more excuses. Period.

... I'm well again and all ready!

=)

http://www.positivepath.net/ideasHM4.asp

Latest Obsession

Lately, I've been obsessed with food.. particularly Tiramisu- right after I tasted Shifeng's heavenly Tiramisu! *glee*

And so.. the hunting began.. I started searching for Tiramisu recipes online.. looking out for those which do not include eggs ( I don't wanna eat raw eggs!), checking out cookbooks etc etc and I even went down to the Market Place at Raffles City specially to get ladyfingers for the Tiramisu. However, in the midst of my obsession I had to go away for a while but the thought of my Tiramisu stayed at the back of my mind.. Heehee!

Finally! The end product! Hmm I made a few mistakes here and there and modified the recipe a bit. Overall, it tasted fine, perhaps I should have added more Kahlua to the mixture, made the coffee stronger and not over-soaked the ladyfingers.

Yum Yum! Ingredients:
100g ladyfingers
1/4 cup icing sugar
185ml chilled cream
1/4 cup Kahlua
250g Mascarpone cheese
1/4 cup strong black coffee

Steps:
1. To your own discretion, cut the ladyfingers accordingly to fit the height of the tin. Line the sides with the ladyfingers.
2. Slice the rest of the ladyfingers into half longitudinally.
3. Whip the chilled cream with the icing sugar until the mixture is rather stiff.
4. Add in the Mascarpone cheese and mix further.
5. Add 2 tbsp of Kahlua to the cheese mixture.
6. Mix the rest of the Kahlua with the strong black coffee.
7. Dip the sliced ladyfingers into the coffee mixture and cover the base of the tin with the slightly damp ladyfingers.
8. Pour in half the chesse mixture to cover the ladyfingers.
9. Line another layer of ladyfingers and pour over the rest of the cheese mixture.
10. Chill the Tiramisu in the refrigerator for about 4 hours. Dust cocao powder over it and serve it! =)

Enjoy!

Next up- Mars chocolate cereal crunch! =)

turn left, turn right?

I'm a little relieved. Now, all hopes lie with those people. There's really nothing more that I can wish for now. *cross fingers*

When all don't seem to matter anymore...

I don't know where to start and how to start this.. but I'm going to say it anyway. This is probably the first time I'm coming clean with my thoughts on the projects I'm handling.

The recent spate of events set me thinking about the objectives and directions of my projects, namely GAW and YEP.

Let me begin with GAW. Wish collection has clearly fulfilled its objectives of allowing us know our beneficiaries better through the interaction sessions but it has also showed me the other side of GAW, that GAW, simply isn't just about granting the wishes of the kids and putting a smile on their faces at the end of the day. (Well, though it does spread the spirit of giving among the donors). After speaking to the house parent of one of the beneficiaries, I realised that there's more to GAW than just "grant a wish" simply. Seriously speaking, these children don't lack presents, donations POUR in pretty often and most kids whom we're helping (perhaps except the intellectually disabled ones) have participated in a similar project and to be very frank, some are very pampered. Quoting from the house parent, "We need to tell the kids why they should get the presents, that they need fulfill certain duties before they can receive the presents." She also did speak about making a difference in their lives, and how changes come subtly but progressively. Hence, the problems that I'm facing now are.. pretty hard to describe.. my mind's filled with questions like, "How can we make sure that the children do not take GAW for granted?", "How can we add value to GAW?"other than just playing games with the children during wish collection, "Are we doing them more harm than good?" since they get what they wished for, "Do they actually appreciate our act of goodwill?", "How are we going to give these kids certain "duties" to complete when the time we are spending with them is too short for any long-term cause?".. Many many such questions left unanswered.. not that anyone has the answers anyway.

Yes.. and so the difficult part lies with the children.. in the way, to make them understand the value of GAW and that we're not some kind of rich fellow who wishes to throw our money away by buying presents for them, which some of them may treat as junk at the end of the day.. and with me too.. in convincing myself that there IS still some value and meaning in GAW.

So, why exactly are we doing GAW? Do the PDs of GAW have similar thoughts every year? If yes, so why are we still hanging on to GAW? Should there be new directions, new dimensions to GAW?

Hmmmm... Questions and questions.

Now, pertaining to YEP. Hmm.. All rightey, I see that we're at least helping the villagers to some extent, though at the end of the day, I feel that we will definitely learn more than we serve. There is just "so" much that we can do in that short period of time. But still, at least we will be relieving them of some inconveniences.. Anyway, similar to GAW, I think as long as we are "giving" stuff, there're bound to have people who are just unappreciative, take things for granted or simply expect more from us- even mentioned by the coordinator whom we spoke to. (no offence to any nationality or person, I'm saying this in general). Worse still, we may be inculcating a sense of dependence amongst the people as external help comes in rather frequently and easily. Here, we are giving them the fish, instead of teaching them to fish.. (just random, I still think that it all boils down to good governance and having a structured plan to reform the country.. with the right personnel that is).

So much angst about such projects that involve "giving".. sometimes, I wonder if there's any meaning in community service, at least in the local context.

Well, I guess at the end of the day, it isn't the number of people that we have reached out to but rather that lives of one/2 souls which have changed.. for the better.. as a result of what we did.

Wish

Star Light Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

Worrywart.

I'm really worried, really really extremely worried.. without a doubt.

Why? How?

If only I have the solutions for you...

Bro2, only you can help yourself! No one else will be unable to help you if you refuse to put your heart into working towards what you want to achieve.

There was a time.

I think in life, there will come this point in time where everything else doesn't matter anymore, except for familial love.

And so when one stops searching for a perfect answer, the answer presents itself in its purest and simplest form. Simplicity. As sweet, as short as that and it's the answer to my questions, or so I think.

I'm really blessed to have my family by my side all the time.. to have my PaMa (Papa & Mama) reassuring me, advising me, reminding me, giving me their blessings.. to have bro1 & bro2 spicing up my life, else it'ld be very very boring, sharing my dreams and woes.. to have my relatives caring for me in subtle ways. It's really 'cause of PaMa that I can say (yes, I've said this before), even if the sky falls down on me, I'll be safe, as they'll be there to hold it up for me. Yes and I know they can't be there for me forever, so what's most important for me is treasuring the little things that they do that make my life wonderful and these are very simple little things that make extraordinary impacts and changes.

I've decided.. I'll lead a simply complex life. Go figure! =)

What's life?

Yes. What does life mean to you? And what does life mean to my brother? Once again, he has disappointed us.

What do trivial matters do to you? Does every small thing count?

So tired of questioning, so tired of asking.

So tired.

Bye bye digital world.

My life.. currently..

Haha! Yes, admist attending meetings, bumming around, tutoring my bro, finding meaningful stuff to do.. I'm studying! Yup. I'm taking a special semester module- a module taken during school holidays- called "Intellectual Property in Cyberspace".

It's something refreshing for me.. after having done so many engineering modules. It provides an avenue for me to question the intangibles, to delve deeper into the topic which I took for granted and challenges my writing abilities. But all in all, it's quite an enjoyable module and quite a meaningful way to pass time.

Here's an interesting website everyone should visit.. for some light hearted entertainment! =)
http://www.patentlysilly.com/ and it only proves my point that the US is a lot more liberal and accommodating!

Perhaps I should add another task to my to-do list, that is... to create new inventions! Silly, out of the world, whatever man! =)

*HUMPH*

Tis' a season to be jolly! Yeaahhh 'cause it's the durian season and durians are ubiquitous!! And so not being able to resist temptation.. we decided to go for a durian feast after dinner today! But.. it was a rather upsetting experience..

.... that incurred our wrath, leaving us very unsatisfied!!

We stopped by at 717 Trading (yes, durians) at Serangoon, looking forward to a durian feast. The durian seller was very nice (initially) and offered us the durians that he deemed "good" and even claimed there were many seeds inside after my Dad asked him. Hence we tried the durians and they were good no doubt BUT we didn't know what we were in for. So after paying $50 for 6 really puny durians (1kg for $8), we headed home earnestly.

The truth will always be revealed. To our horror, there were a total of 22 seeds in 6 freaking durians!! And they were really small! OMG.. we felt really cheated, as we opened a durian after durian.

Freaking stall spoilt my mood and ruined my love for durians! All 'cause of dishonest durian sellers!

Cheat my feelings.. but I still love eating durians la! =P

Oh craps..

After being detached from writing properly for a very very long time, churning out a four page essay IS an arduous task. So difficult that I have already taken 5 hours to answer 3 questions! WTFreak! 3 questions- 5 hours.

Ok, and me being me, I was distracted and couldn't get my mind off----------- baking, or rather food! And so, while I research on the questions I have to answer, I was searching for recipes! OMG! And the more I searched, the more interested I got.. in the recipes and the delectable pastries and cakes took my mind off my work for a moment. Actually it's a very long moment, sad to say. Muahaha! I'm soooooo gonna start baking again! =)

How on earth did she manage to take such nice shots?????!!!!


Just as others are passionate about sports, studies, music.. I'm passionate about food and the art of............ FOOD! =) =)

Writer's Block

She stared blankly at the screen, trying hard to get the words to register in her mind but nothing seemed to be getting into her head. Just then a surge of apprehension overcame her, causing her goosebumps to show.

I've to get this done, by hook or by crook, she thought to herself. Then she took a stroll to her bed, lied down for a while, shut her eyes, woke up, sat in front of the computer and started typing furiously.

Burning desire

She stared longingly at the beckoning slice of dark chocolate cake at the display shelf. Her face scrunched up, eyes watering, she bit her lips really hard till they almost turned white. No longer being able to contain her excitement, she clasped her hands firmly and then turned to look at the stout figure next to her.

"Please....." she pleaded.

"No darling, that's not for you" he replied and walked away.

She knew that the answer would be as such but why couldn't she have it, she thought. Then as her eyes filled up with tears, she took one last look at the forgone chocolate cake, dreadingly, forsakingly, she trudged away.

It's JULY already!

Ok, you've probably heard this a million thousand times already but I'm still gonna say it! TIME FLIESSSS!!! Yes.. very quickly! To think I was lamenting of not being able to find a temporary job at the beginning of last month.. I guess, I wouldn't want to work anymore, even if given the chance unless it's some event based kind of work. Hurhur.

And so while others are enjoying themselves at e5, I'm sitting here, in a boring room. All right, I think I made the right choice for I've so many other things to do.. but ain't doing them yet.. yes like visiting the chinese physician, studying for the quiz (TOMORROW, WTF!), tutoring my brother, refining proposals (GAW and YEP), preparing for tomorrow's project meeting, sending my laptop for repair and more and more. Sheesh la! I'm such a sloth I should be slaughtered..

And what's with me (trying very very hard) making the most out of life.. when I'm wasting good precious moments, just lazing around.. =(

Mission (IM)possible I

I've been assigned a daunting task.. and the outcome of this mission totally depends on how the other person performs. It's either mission possible if he thinks that I-M-possible or impossible if he refuses to budge.

Yes the other person is none other than my youngest brother!

Actually I'm a little guilt-ridden, for I was handled this task a long time ago, in fact, about 2 years ago but due to other commitments (which I thought were more pressing at that time), I kept procrastinating and now my brother's bearing the consequences.

Hence, I shall turn back the clock and make the impossible possible! It all boils down to him now.. yessss "no time to lose" and I hope YOU will mark your words and not lose time to DOTA-ing!

Now, get off the comp!

Awwwwwwwwwwwww

This' my 2nd time aww-ing in one morning. First to Jenny Pok, =P and second to my parents.

Ok, for all that parents've done, I'm really glad to know that.. even if the sky falls down on me, they'll be there to support it! =P Sheesh man, now I sound like a dependent kid!

Well well, the recent spate of events has made me feel their love even more so and somehow, I feel a tad remorseful for whatever I've done that caused them to worry. Hence, for them at least, I shall live life with aplomb!

AWwwwwwwww....

<<出人头地>>

These few days.. having nothing to do in the morning except for surfing the internet, occasionally jogging.. while waiting for my dad to wake up so that we can have brunch together, I have been watching this Channel 8 drama serial <<出人头地>>. This serial, starring Zoe Tay, Li Nanxing, Aileen Tan, Edmund Chen, is as old as, to be precise, older than me! OMG. Haha. But still, it's quite a good watch and its theme song's been ringing in my head, especially the following few lines.. which I thought, are very meaningful and apt.

。。。一生要失败几回，
才知道生活的意义。
一生要爱过几回，
才能了解爱的真谛。。。

Woots! Okay, a digression here.. I shall head back to work.

In moderation

If there's one thing I gotta learn to do this holidays, it would be to live in moderation.

I tend to overdo stuff, kinda compulsively, obsessively, like procrastinating, eating, planning, surfing the internet, chatting, watching TV and more and more.

And if you realise, I tend to commit SINS compulsively, obsessively and non of the good things like exercising, reading, studying, doing household chores...

So, if I were able to transfer some energy which I place on the SINS to things that I SHOULD do, probably my life would be more balanced.

Anyway, would you bother yourself with this? http://www.survive2012.com/geryl1.php

I wouldn't.

It's a SUNny DAY!

Yes it's sunny Sunday and it's also Father's Day! It's been a very long while since we last celebrated Father's Day and I reckon it's time we bring back the tradition. Hence, we've kind of planned for some activity tonight.. It'll be dinner after my mum knocks off from work and then a movie! I think the movie that my family last watched together, at a CINEMA, was some Jackie Chan movie back in the 1990s. Haha.

Anyway, going back to work on Friday to relief teach got me to realise how fast time whizzes by. 2 years passed, just like that. It's pretty amazing, seeing how those kids whom I met 2 years ago have grown up. Wow. Relief teaching's fun no doubt, allowing me to interact with kids, drenching myself in their not-so-innocent innocence. Haha sometimes, they ask the weirdest questions la. But still, I can only see myself relief teaching and not teaching as a career.

Saturday, I mean yesterday, was well-spent Paint-A-Homing at Jamiyah Children's Home and catching up with wackomints- we painted the corridors. After yesterday's session, I concluded that painting's indeed therapeutic, without the odour that is. So, after painting, we went for bubble tea and to Astons for dinner. Food there's really not bad and reasonably priced too! =)

It was great and enjoyable catching up with peeps whom I've not met for a very long time. And I realised that I'm starting to engage in conversations revolving around work, future and life. Man and from these conversations, it suddenly dawned upon me how directionless and unprepared I'm for the future.... and then I realised my dreams have diminished along the years, as I grew up.

Where has my motivation gone to? Where're those dreams I had when I was younger?

It's time.. I dreamed big.. again!

Hey hey!

This post's gonna be really random.

It's a point that I missed out while recounting my experiences in Cambodia. On the last day of the recce trip, while waiting for the taxi to arrive to take us to Phnom Penh, I read some magazines, Bee Ngoh's, on "DEATH". All right, it's a morbid topic but it set me thinking. Haha my parents would definitely bash me for doing so 'cause they DON'T believe in worrying about the future, as to them, life's really unpredictable.

And so I asked Lao Lao how she'ld live the last 3 weeks of her life... She said she'ld meet up with friends and loved ones for the very last time and do the things that she's not done before. Hmm..

Anyway, I've not found an answer to that question and I refuse to answer that, at least for now. All I know is that I should live life with no regrets.

Is there ever something as a "perfect" answer to any questions in life? And what's the point of wasting time thinking of something that's so intangible?

Hmmmm...

Perhaps I've been too long away from Singapore, from media sources, to feel the effects of the catastrophes which took place some time ago. I only learnt about them when I checked my emails and realised that I've received some, asking for donations to help those affected by the cataclysm.

And so I thought, we'll be spend about SGD8000 refurbishing a school in dec, would this amount of money be better spent helping the victims of the calamity? Well, if I were to question further, it'ld definitely be an endless debate.

Anyway, I realised that I learn most about Singapore when I'm out of the country, that is, when I'm able to view Singapore from an outsider's perspectives. Only then will I be able to make comparisons, observe Singaporean mannerism and thoughts and really appreciate what I have back at home. Now that I'm back home, I think I'm slowing, subtly integrating back into society.. turning back into my old self.. the way I behaved, the way I thought..

Ok, snap! It's good that I realised it now and so there's still time for remedy. Haha. Yup. Let me not waste the good time I spent in Cambodia, the things I've learnt.

If there's only one thing to do right now, it'ld be... to progress!! =)

Welcome to Cambodia! Part 2..

The Recce Trip (5th June to 8th June)

Before I relate my experience proper, here's a glimpse of us, Lao Lao after 4 days in Cambodia and me, after 3 weeks in Cambodia:


Prey Veng Province, Love Cambodia
5th June
Lao Lao arrived in Siem Reap not long after my team left for Singapore and so, I didn't spend much time waiting for her. Upon her arrival, we headed down to a guesthouse for breakfast and then made our way to meet Bee Ngoh, our YEP trip contact in Cambodia, in Prey Veng province. I hope Lao Lao has had a good experience in Cambodia, being there for the very first time!

We reached Bee Ngoh's place, which's also a NGO called "Love Cambodia", at around 2.30pm. After which, we rested, discussed some stuff, watched "Cinderella Man" and had dinner together with some Singaporeans who are currently doing missionary work in Cambodia. I've learnt a lot more about Cambodia from the chat over dinner. Amazing stuff man!

They took their leave at around 8pm and we continued watching the movie. It was a pretty cool movie, rather thought-provoking as well. After the movie and bathing, we started chatting about stuff of Cambodia- its situation, development, about social work, community service till midnight. The conversation was information overload but it was definitely mind-nourishing for I learnt a lot more about Cambodia than I ever did before the 2 trips to Cambodia. =)

6th June
After a typical Khmer breakfast of French baguette (due to the colonisation by the French in the 1800s) with spread, we embarked on our recce trip and visited 4 villages. That's when I learnt about a burglary which took place the night before, the burglar stole 1,000,000 riels = USD250 but I wasn't sure if he was arrested in the end. Due to this incident, we decided to give that village a miss and proceeded to Prey Kla, some 15 minutes away from Prey Veng town.

The roads were extremely bumpy, making the ride unsuitable for people with motion-sickness. Upon reaching the village, we met up with the community based officials (CBOs)- people who monitor and plan the development of the village, to work something out. In the end, both Lao Lao and I were rather certain that this was the village we would want to work on as there's really a need to refurbish the school and that accommodation for a team would not be a problem in the village.
The floors of the school Our accommodation

Next up, we visited Kampong Ongquinh- a place in need of toilets BUT security there IS a serious problem and that the water in that village's arsenic- a potential threat to the health of the members. Hence, we decided that we weren't in favour of working on this village. The last village in consideration was Village Slang, the one which I went to previously. There was not much that we could do there, besides building toilets and so we decided that we shall work on Prey Kla first and may consider other villages in the future.

After the recce and some intense discussion and agreements for the trip in december, we retired for the day. I turned in really early at night as I was rather brain fried from the activities in the day. Haha.

Day 3 and 4 were spent visiting Prey Veng town, the market, the orphanage, watching sunset, eating, playing mind-boogling games, discussing about our trip and so on.. On Day 4, I attended Sunday service- my very first in Cambodia- but it was conducted in Khmer and so I spent half the time listening to the translation, by a Cambodian friend, and trying to figure out the gist of the preaching. Haha. It was still fun though! =)

The OrphanageSunset
Duck foetus- which Lao Lao claimed is very delicious, I ate 2 spoonfuls and concluded... it wasn't as scary as I thought haha.. At the garden outside Bee Ngoh's house

The trip was enjoyable overall... except for...

MOSQUITOES!! The most bothersome things at night. Seriously. I woke up at least 5 times to apply insect repellant onto my skin but it failed to keep the mosquitoes away!! This left me with:


And Lao Lao:

Now that I've recounted my experiences in Cambodia, I've gained so much, intangibly, from this trip that I don't know how or where to start gathering and documenting them.

But firstly, I have to thank God for blessing us with a smooth trip and for all the enlightenment and wisdom bestowed. I hope that HE will always be there to guide us and to grant us with the courage and strength to overcome any obstacles that we may face along the way. Thank you Lord Jesus, Amen! =)

Welcome to Cambodia!

Suor-sdei! I'm back from Cambodia. This' my second trip to Cambodia and I must say that I've gained new perspectives and have enjoyed myself tremendously, in fact, more than I did last year. I'm really glad I've kind of fulfilled my purpose of going for expedition the second time. Besides expedition, I also extended my trip to recce for the CSC YEP trip in december.

Life's really different now that I'm back. Everything here's so much more fast paced, efficient that I'm having a little difficulty adjusting back to reality and feeling a tad angsty trying to catch up with what I've missed out on ahaha. Nevertheless, I thank God for his blessings and I must that I'm really fortunate to be born and breed here. Alright, here's my resolution and a change I must make: to stop being an emo-Nemo and to appreciate all the little things in life. I've learnt that life's really too short to be wasted feeling unhappy and grouchy. =) Haha, I hereby hope for a better age!

Sooo... Here, presenting to you...*drum rolls* my visit to Cambodia in 2 parts- Eusoff Expedition and the Recce Trip! I spent a good whole 3 weeks there, from 20th May to 8th June, enduring insect bites, unbearable heat midst the good stuff like nice people, good food, slow pace of life and so on. Shan't divulge any further, read on to find out more! =)

Eusoff Expedition

Day 0, Phnom Penh
We touched down in Phnom Penh at around 8pm, had dinner and checked into a guesthouse for the night.

There're certainly some signs of development in the city, with new building springing up at every corner, KFC, Swensens, a new mega shopping mall amongst some to name. In a way, it's good that Cambodia's developing but it's rather sad that it's slowly losing its original flavour to commercialisation. It's inevitable I guess, I hope the development'll be for the betterment of the Cambodians.

Day 1 to 5, Village Slang in Prey Veng Province
Village Slang's some 15 mins' ride away from Kampong Cham, the village we visited the previous year, and is a "new" village, in the sense that it hasn't received any help from YEP before. Hence, my group's the "pioneer" batch. This time round, we were there to build toilets and dig wells for the family.

We spent day 1 to 3 learning to build toilets and dig well and I had my first time experience mixing cement, laying bricks, digging soil, operating the power generator for digging the well, connecting/changing drilling bits.. Definitely hard core labouring and not as simple as it seems. Though we did provide some assistance in these construction, I think we were more of a hindrance than a help, but we sure did provide the villagers with entertainment while struggling and fumbling with the equipment. =)

Of course, our time wasn't just spent on construction, we also had some free time to wander around the village, visiting the vast paddy fields, admiring the blue skies with fluffy clouds and the best of it- playing with the kids. It's pretty amazing, like how we couldn't understand the Khmer language but still were able to communicate with them, inevitably with laughter and some embarrassment. One of their favourite activities, I realised, is scaring us- the city dwellers- with living creatures that they can dig out from nowhere, crabs ah, frogs ah, dragonflies ah. They love throwing/sticking these stuff on your skin and watch you scream! I wasn't a bit traumatised but played along with them still. Haha.


In between, I went to the market too, when my group was on duty, and never once got bored. The trip out was always refreshing. On one, we even stopped by to play a game of Chaol Chhoung (don't know if it's the correct name)- a popular Khmer ball game.

Day 6 & 7, Phnom Penh
We decided to take a break from village life and set off for Phnom Penh really early in the morning at 8am. Phnom Penh's some 3 hours away from the village but we arrived in the afternoon as we pitstopped for breakfast and snacks.

After checking into the guesthouse, a newly built one with lots of dust though, we had lunch at a nearby chinese restaurant and then made our way to Tuol Sleang genocide musuem. As some of us have been there before and agreed that one disturbing experience's enough, we decided to roam around Phnom Penh instead and headed down to the Olympic Market- a wholesale market. The walk there was exhilarating, having to beat the sun, the cars, the crowd and everything else to get there. As we were pretty exhausted, from the heat, we took a tuk-tuk back to meet up with the team.

And so it started. The passing around of gastric flu. Many of us fell sick later in the day, having diarrhea and fever. Nonetheless, we were still hyped up for dinner at Friends' Cafe and some chilling out at night. But frankly speaking, I felt that the city life, with the pollution, was making me sicker. I couldn't wish for more to be back in the village.

Anyway, despite our illness, we visited the Killing Fields and Russian Market the next day before heading back to Village Slang. Surprisingly, most of us were looking forward to going back to the village.

(P.S. As my batteries died on me, I couldn't take anymore photos! =( )

Day 8 to 12, Village Slang
I was really happy to be back in the village. The air there was much fresher, the host family took really good care of us. Their hospitality really touched me. Here's the story, knowing that most of us were down, they cooked porridge for the team the next day, washed the toilets when dirtied.

Anyway, while the team was away in Phnom Penh, the workers continued toiling under the hot sun and finished digging all the wells and building all the toilets scheduled to be completed in just 2 days!! Haha. This only proved that we were more of a hindrance than help to them. =P Hence, with no more construction, we carried out some activities with the kids as planned. We taught them nursery rhymes with actions(- it was pure fun as the kids would just follow all the actions and it was really funny to see everyone fumbling and trying to keep up with the song at the same time), had Food Festival where I cooked sweet and sour pork(- which was superb, according to my friends hurhurhur), Sports Day, Origami session and a short English lesson.

In between, my spirits were slightly dampened by the release of results but I decided not to brood over spilt milk and got over it pretty quickly. =P The last few days were rather slack and that was when we felt that time was creeping.. literally.. but I kind of enjoyed that pace of life, not having to rush, to think of what to do next.

The trip climaxed on the last day when the villagers prepared a sumptuous meal for us! =) They cooked an entire duck in curry, served with rice noodles and bread. I bet I ate lots of duck innards, very delicious no doubt. Glutinous rice cake, banana cooked in sago and glutinous rice balls in sago soup were then served as desserts. After dinner, they set up a dance floor, blasted music from a stereo and taught us Khmer dance- their very own disco, right at our doorsteps. Haha. We were rather exhausted by then, but we relented and continued dancing as we felt obligated to join them. It was fun and one kind of an experience no doubt. The night ended with the entire team joining in for a last dance.

We left the village for Siem Reap very early the next morning. Some of us were teary-eyed and the hosts cried when we departed. The villagers, the place have certainly left an indelible mark in my mind.
My all-time favourite, the host's daughter, super cute!
A close-up

Day 13 to 16, Siem Reap
The days at Siem Reap were spent chilling out as I've been to many places the last time. While others were at Angkor Wat, beating the sun and scaling the temples, I was having a great time chilling out at the various cafes and restaurants, shopping at the markets, massaging. Nothing exciting happened, just lots of time to spare there and take things slow. I'ld say Siem Reap's a much nicer place to hang out compared to Phnom Penh, the place is relatively cleaner.

However, something kind of disappointed me on the day of departure. My friend left his digicam at the guesthouse that we stayed in and was pretty certain that he last saw it on the bed. However, the staff who checked the rooms before we paid for our accommodation denied that he saw the digicam and was adamant that the digicam was not in the room. He refused to let us check the room, claiming that they've searched the place thoroughly, despite getting a local, our driver cum tour guide- Tola, to speak to them. Tola was pretty sure that they've kept the digicam. Well, a lesson learnt from this episode- never to be careless and forgetful. As for my friend, he was rather sad that he had lost.. not his digicam, but rather, beautiful memories of the trip.

And so while the trip ended for some.. it's the beginning of a whole new experience for me as I waited for Lao Lao to arrive.. Hehe

2nd chances

A drama serial now showing on Channel 8 set me thinking about having 2nd chances in life. It happened in that drama serial, but for one thing I believe certainly, 2nd chances don't happen in REAL life.

What if.. How differently would I have lived my life?

Well, looking back on the things I've done, though I made a few wrong choices, decisions, mistakes, I must say that it's important not to live life with regrets. What I'm doing right now, where I am at this present moment, are all the outcome of the decisions I made in the past. Yup. I'm happy with where I'm now, though I think I can be happier (people never get satisfied). But oh wells, that's life.

One thing that I've learnt recently- never take life for granted. Life's really the most fragile thing on earth. Sheesh, perhaps this' a syndrome of growing "old" (alright, I really hate this word.), when fears start creeping out.

Where has my dare-devil spirit gone to??? :(

Dreams are my reality.

This place's been neglected, as expected haha. The forbidden fruit tastes better. Anyway, I've been sleeping a lot recently, it's just soooooooo comfortable at home.

Weird it may sound, I kind of "control" my dreams nowadays. Enough of catastrophes and the hard cold reality of this scary world, I'm indulging in dreaming about funny happy things, which I know, won't happen in real life.

Sigh.

I'm a weakling.

Wow!

I'm totally amazed by this young lady's ingenuity! I think she's 19 this year, (just like 2 years younger than me) and is so into web designing that she has set up a website dedicated to this interest of hers. And she even has tutorials on web designing.. Wow, a girl who knows what she wants! Admirable!

Oh yah.. I'm picking up web designing by the way, and chanced upon her website while doing so.

Here, take a look! http://www.sixseven.org/

All my life
Is changing everyday
In every possible way
And all my dreams
It's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems
I know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more

I HAVE TO SAY THIS! I'm liberated! Yay from exams! Ahaha. It's been rather intense, emotional and has been a inner struggle. Now I can blog, facebook, think about GAW, YEP, other stuff with ease, without any constraints. BUT somehow, the forbidden fruit tastes better. Haha.

Rather lost now, as I've not plans for the day, at least for tonight, unlike the past few weeks whereby my goals would be to complete a few sets of notes/tutorials.

Well, these aside. I think this semester has been a rather unforgettable one, in a way, awakening. Haha. =) I'm slowly gaining momentum, keeping up with the competitiveness, unearthing the fighting spirit in me again, having some purpose in life and not bumming my life away, like what I did for the past 3 semesters, sad to say. I've lost 3 precious semesters and can't afford to lose more and I still very much want to attend commencement.

If only... I had realised it earlier, but all's done and one should not look back and lament. No regrets, I've gained some, lost some, just hope that I won't make the same mistakes again. =)=)

Last one.. Last lap.. Last chance

Yess.. I'm a few more hours away from liberation! My last paper's at 5pm today but I'm feeling rather unmotivated. It's not like I've finished studying or like I'm really confident about it, I'm just.. still jaded.

I can't wait.

And many things are waiting for me to be done once exams are over! Boohoo!

It's a love-hate thingy la.

Slap me left right, up down and diagonal X 10000000000000000 times!!!

OMG! Someone please enlighten me! My exams will be over tomorrow and I should be making full use of the last moments to infuse as much knowledge as possible BUT right now, I'm feeling very jaded and I just feel like sleeping!

I'm such a freak I hate myself...

May, may I?

Haha! I can't believe I blogged most in April, even to the extent of posting 2 or more entries in a day.

Blogging's a good way of keeping in touch with the past, the way you thought, the things you did and of course, as a storage of your memories.

And my blog's been pretty dull, shall revamp it after the exams! With more pictures too I hope! Haha! So who's kind enough to model for my blog?? Hurhur *evil grinz* YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! =P

Labour Day

It's Labour Day and it doesn't feel like it 'cause I'm an undergrad and it's the exam period so right now, everyday's just Happy Mugging Day, only the uni staff get some time off.. eh liddat is the library open today??

Sunday Morning Call

Here's another sunday morning call
You hear yer head-a-banging on the door
Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl
Into the day that couldn't give you more
But what for?

To score well for exams!! Haha.

Anyway, I think my biological clock's been disrupted, rather badly. Part of the reason why I failed to fall asleep on Friday night was due to my upsetted biological clock. Nowadays, I sleep in the morning, say 6am, and wake up just before noon and the whole cycle repeats. I'm pretty pissed about how fast time past. Like yesterday, I felt that I didn't accomplish much due to my afternoon paper which took up the entire afternoon, tuition in the late afternoon and a bit of slacking at night.. :(

And Jenny pok has fallen sick, from too much "heaty" snacks, drink lotsa water babe, get well soon! :)

I hope time can slow down...

Wake up my idea!

Yes as I was mentioning that I couldn't get to sleep last night and was fretting about not having sufficient rest and mental power for my paper.. Thank God I fell asleep soon after..

BUT to my extreme shock and horror, I realised that the paper was at 1pm, only moments before I was all ready to set out and head to MPSH! Sheesh, luckily I met my friend at the canteen who then informed me of the "good news".

Gosh! I'm an ultimate cockster, think I contracted the bug from someone. *Hurhurhur* >l<

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Yeah, but when?

Sob Sob

Why? Why does it have to be this night of all nights? I just can't get to sleep and it doesn't help much when my skin's itching like mad. I think it's some allergic reactions to too much MSG. 'Cause I had lotsa MSG the past few days and a lot and a lot of "heaty" stuff. The itch comes, I scratch my skin, a moment later, the rash disappears and some other part's targeted. Sigh. Why? And I need sleep for my paper at frigging 9am later! Crap, I feel like crying...


Dear Jesus, I really need your help to make me sleep right now and get some quality rest before my exam later. Please Lord, make the itch disappear and get me to sleep now. In your mighty name I pray, Amen!

Beauty in its rawest form.

I'm blogging, instead of studying yeah. Hmm. I realised that blogging is, to me, speaking to myself. You know, when you think, thoughts spring up all around the place messily and blogging helps me organise my thoughts. I think I've yet to master the art of conveying my thoughts clearly to anyone 'cause it's really quite tough to retain the full meaning of a thought when expressed verbally. Unlike blogging, there's no backspace when you speak. In a way, I think blogging is drawing me away from the real world, as in, away from people 'cause I don't see a need to share my thoughts/feelings with them anymore as I always seek solace in blogging nowadays.

Anyway, I actually do think a lot when I study! Don't get me wrong, I don't recall on what I studied, rather, I think about life. Sheesh, self-distracting heh!

Something which I've noticed lately.. Life is really beautiful. =)

Some entertainment- joy I found while listening to Jay Chou's Ye Qu:

"...为你弹着小胖的夜曲，记得我失去的ice-cream..."

I hope Jay Chou's fans won't kill me for this! :P

Finally!

I've changed the time and date settings. It's just disconcerting to see a post that I typed this morning is dated Wednesday and timed at 9.10pm when I freaking typed it at 11.30am!! All right, so much for the annoyance, everything's been rectified! =)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

C'mon baby do the locomotion!

Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
I know you'll get to like it
If you give it a chance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
My little baby sister can do it with ease
It's easier than learning your a b c's
So come on, come on,
Do the loco-motion with me
You gotta swing your hips now
Come on baby,(baby), jump up, mmm jump back
Well I think you got the knack

Yeah baby and I'm chug-a chugging like a railway train now to the library. Hohoho.

Sheesh man, super sinful, I slept for 7 hours! Darn it! When I only wanted about 5.5 hours of sleep... all 'cause of the rain and I decided that we couldn't go to the library when it was raining and so went back to sleep.

Time flies. Geeezzzzz.. 1.5 days to D-Day. Amazingly fast!

About smell

I like what my friend said.

"When you smell shit, it means that shit particles are entering your nostrils."

Ahahaha. Makes sense?

Freak, I wonder how many thousands, millions shit/garbage/vomit/urine/"hong-kong" feet etc... particles have entered my body.

No wonder it's been poisoned.

A million gazillion thoughts

I can't quantify the amount of thoughts I have right now.

I thought I was but I was wrong. I think therefore I am. And I'm so glad to have realised it now and not later, though I've wasted almost 21 years of my life...

Why didn't I? Why did I?

I thank God for the answers.

A day to remember...

Happy Birthday Wei! Many many happy returns and all the best in everything you do! =)

All right, bro2 turns 16 today. Time flies. But he'll forever be that adorable mischievous youngest brother of mine! Haha.






a day to remember.

Unconditional

Gosh I didn't know quitting the internet can be so difficult! I'm trying really really hard now.. Have reduced my time Staries-ing, have stopped checking emails every now and then.. So what now? I've to stop blogging! Haha.

Oh no.

Anyway, went out for dinner with my family just now, to celebrate bro2's birthday. Had dinner at Fig & Olive at Vivocity. I think, I gotta rate it hmm... 2.5/5. The only nice food there was the Melted Fish & Chips and perhaps Mocha Figo. Haha. The pasta that we ordered were.. well below our expectations. Bad food aside, it was great hanging out with my family, albeit my bros were at times, annoying. Haha.

I think we've all grown up. I miss those days where would go cycling at the park, go here, go there. And just have fun. Haha.

Now, we're all lured by different temptations, computer games, guitar, movies etc. Well, hopefully we will bond even stronger over our differences. Oh man, the more I should quit the internet!

A Confession

I was browsing through the papers today and an article on the front page caught my attention. It was on "Tech Geeks", not really referring to tech savvy people but rather, people who are addicted to technology. Haha. I must say that I'm one of these people. Hence, while I was reading, I was silently agreeing with all the syndromes and behaviour mentioned. In fact, more and more people are turning into tech geeks and this trend's causing many people and companies to worry.. Haha to the extent that some have already come up with "No interent for a day" campaigns etc.

I almost turned hopeless.

I must admit, I have surfed the net for six hours straight before, unknowingly and aimlessly. I dreamt of playing Staries and checking emails.

I'm glad I've managed to kick off the addiction (for now), due to studying for exams and the bad scare I had this morning.

Woots. Now you see why I'm always complaining about the lack of time. I was hooked onto the net. And I'm rehabilitating. Pardon me.

Friday Night

I love this particular Friday night/ Saturday morning.

It's raining heavily outside. Rain drops are pitter pattering hard onto the ground. There's total silence, except for the rain/thunder and light soft music playing from my laptop. Woots. Just perfect for studying.

I hope I can still this moment.

Uncloud the clouded mind

It's the last day of Semester 4 and inevitably, have some thoughts about this entire semester.

Had a test today. Haha yah on the last day of school. It wasn't easy at all, compared to the previous quiz, which was "chicken feet".. sad to say. But harping on it ain't gonna do me any good now. Hence, after this post, I'm gonna burry my head in books and notes and hopefully knowledge will diffuse into my brains. Haha. Fat hopes.

Well, anyway, back to my thoughts. This semester was a fresh start for me, considering the fact that I was fumbling my way through the past 3 semesters, not knowing (for sure) what I was studying about. At least, the modules this semester, with design projects and stuff, kinda interest me more and I'm thankful to have a few friends to tide through this period together. Hence, overall, I must say, I had fun in school. Ahaha!

I guess, it also boils down to my change in mentality towards studying. Like to stop complaining and to enjoy the entire process instead. For me, it works when I feel like I'm studying to empower myself and not studying for the sake of obtaining good grades and stuff. Haha. Well, I hope all's not too late and that there's still sufficient time for remedy. Four more semesters to go and I'll be out, facing the corporate world.

And a part of me is dreading it... Is that the path that I've to take?

And I can't believe........................................................... I'm such a procrastinator I should bang my head against the wall!

"just believe that God will see u through!!" =)